Should I Say Something?The Science of What to Share—and What to Keep to Yourself- Vanessa Bohns

About the Book

A field guide for navigating moments of doubt

We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all. In Should I Say Something? social psychologist and organizational behavior expert Vanessa Bohns explores how to make informed decisions about when to express something and when to keep things to ourselves. Making the case for this vital communication skill, Bohns helps us learn how to balance openness with professionalism, honesty with kindness, and curiosity with respect.

Grounded in social psychological research, this book serves as a field guide for navigating moments of doubt about whether to say something. Bohns examines common inner conflicts, such as asking ourselves if we should be honest, apologize, or hold back in an interaction. Highly entertaining and eminently practical, Should I Say Something? addresses a modern-day pain point — the fear of being disliked, offending others, or getting cancelled — and offers concrete solutions.

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Praise for Should I Say Something?

SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING is a wise and generous book that is also deeply useful. Bohns reveals how often we misread other people’s desire for feedback, underestimate their appetite for truth, and overestimate the benevolence of staying silent. She then encourages us to push past either-or thinking and to approach our relationships with a long-term view. What I especially love is that she takes human beings seriously – as moral actors, social creatures, and people capable of being both tough and kind.

— Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of THE POWER OF REGRET and DRIVE

It’s one of those issues we all struggle with at times: should we or shouldn’t we say what’s on our minds? In this deeply researched and incisive book, superstar social psychologist Vanessa Bohns provides us with a gift: a crisply written, science-based guide for deciding when to open our mouths and when to keep them shut. Essential reading.

— Ethan Kross, International Bestselling Author of Chatter and Shift

Vanessa Bohns is one of our sharpest researchers on the science of social influence — and in Should I Say Something? she has turned that expertise into a book that is as entertaining as it is indispensable. Her research-backed answers to the dilemmas we all face — Do I share this? Say nothing? Apologize? — are both illuminating and immediately actionable. I’ve already found myself returning to her advice when I’m unsure whether to speak up or stay silent.

— Amy Gallo, author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) and contributing editor at Harvard Business Review

“This book will change how you give feedback, share news, and handle every difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Vanessa Bohns delivers a framework that’s both fascinating and truly useful.”

— Dorie Clark, Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author of The Long Game

In this deeply compelling and practical book, Vanessa Bohns explores the science of what we should share, what we should keep to ourselves, and how to get smarter about these often consequential decisions. Blending cutting-edge research with counterintuitive tips, Dr. Bohns offers a roadmap for navigating some of the most critical moments in our personal, professional, and everyday lives.

— Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Professor of Business Psychology at University College London and Author of Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity is Overrated and What to Do Instead

About the Author

Vanessa Bohns is the Braunstein Family Professor and Chair of Organizational Behavior at Cornell University’s ILR School. She is an expert on social influence, compliance, consent, why it's so hard to ask for things, and why it’s so hard to say no. Professor Bohns holds a PhD in Psychology from Columbia University and an AB from Brown University. Her research has been published in top academic journals in psychology, management, and law, and has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, The Economist, and on NPR's Hidden Brain, among other media outlets. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, and elsewhere.

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Should I Say Something?

We all have moments in our daily lives when we wonder not only how to say something, but if we should say it at all.

A field guide for navigating moments of doubt

Praise for Should I Say Something?

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About the Author

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